Spork
by The Invader Androgynous
Summary: Zim finds himself thrown into an alternative universe where he never existed. Tallest Spork reigns as a hated tyrant, Tak and Skoodge are rebel leaders, and to get back to his own universe he must find Red and Purple... before Spork finds them first.
1. Twisted Universe

The first thing Zim became aware of as his dizzy head began to clear was the absolute blackness. It crept around him in a dim cloud of intoxicating gas. He lifted his head, staring into nothingness. The ground beneath him was cold and rough, not like the smooth floor of his base. Where was he? Had the explosion thrown him somewhere?

He could be lying in the middle of the street, fully exposed to any human that wandered by, he realized in a jolt of shock. Zim sat bolt upright, breathing hard as he stared into the darkness. Something poked into his side. 

GIR really messed up this time, Zim thought angrily. Touching the one button on his new device labeled "Do Not Press Me." The explosion had thrown him from his feet into… into… the Gods only knew where! "GIR!" Zim cried, his voice echoing in the darkness. "GIR!" No response. "He probably blew himself up again," Zim sighed.

A light extended out of his pod, dangling down in front of his face. It came on, lighting the area so brilliantly that Zim let out a high-pitched whine and covered his ruby eyes with his gloved hands. Slowly he fanned his fingers, letting a bit more light in at a time. When his eyes had adjusted, he dropped his hands to his sides.

He wasn't lying in the street and he certainly wasn't inside his base. He didn't even seem to be on Earth anymore. Tall gray and purple buildings loomed up on either side of him, stretching skyward in s-shaped forms. The buildings looked battered. Some kind of war had happened here. 

The noise of falling concrete alerted Zim to dive sideways as a huge section of one of the nearby buildings crashed less than inches from his boots. Zim lay on his side in the street, staring at the spot where he'd just been. Another few seconds and he would have been Zim pancakes. Not a pleasant thought, but it had to be better than those horrible waffle things GIR had cooked for him. He crawled to his knees and then back onto his unsteady legs. 

Zim looked back and forth. Not a living form was in view as he looked down the darkened road. A dry wind blew past, ruffling his antennae. He absent-mindedly reached up and brushed them back into rod straight position. 

Zim did the only thing he could think of. He stared walking. Walk long enough and he had to find something recognizable, right? Heck, he'd even settle for one of those "You are here" maps.

He was nearly run over by the young Irken female brushing past him, her heavy metal boots thudding on the rough pavement. Her breath came out in deep gasps from her heaving chest. She turned back, staring at him with one eye enlarged.

"Yes, yes, stare at the amazing Zim and… Tak! I should have known you had something to do with this!" Zim growled, pointing an accusing finger at her.

Confusion sparked in Tak's deep purple eyes. "Do I… know you?" she asked, scratching the side of her head near the wire stuck in it. She was unmistakable, even if she had traded her purple uniform for an identical one in blue. 

"She went this way!" a deep voice shouted. Tak gasped, taking a step back. Her hands were out, the fear on her face plainly visible. She whipped her head back and forth, her body shaking.

"Please, please hide me!" she begged, throwing herself at him and digging her fingers into his uniform.

"You ask Zim for help?" Zim sneered, pushing her away. She gave him another confused look before dashing off down a side alley.

Two black-coated enforcers skidded around the corner, their heavy bodies making noises like stampeding rhinos. They stared down at Zim, though the height difference was not that great. Zim rubbed the side of his head in confusion. They didn't normally allow such short Irkens to become enforcers.

"You see a girl around here?" one asked, his voice gruff.

"Nevermind her, why aren't you wearing the standard uniform?" the other asked, pushing his associate back.

"Standard uniform? This IS the standard Invader uniform!" Zim cried.

"Invader?"

"What the hell is an Invader?" the other one asked.

Zim's eyes darkened in rage. "How stupid are your brain meats to not know of the superior class of Irkens that are invaders?" he growled.

"You've got a lot of attitude for a little guy. You'd better watch your trap and get back in a standard uniform before we haul you in."

"You shall not touch Zim!" he cried, leaping back and extending his silver spider legs. The two enforcers looked at one another before one of them shot a golden disc, much like a CD, at Zim. He didn't have time to move before it struck the side of his head. A shock of electricity raced through his body. He fell onto his side, his legs dangling like streamers behind him. "What have you done to me?" he shrieked, trying to move. His body wouldn't respond. "Unhand Zim! When the tallests hear of this indignity…"

"Tallests?" one laughed. "Yeah, Spork is gonna love this one. Honestly, why are there so many nuts now a days?"

"Spork?" Zim asked. His vision had become blurry, turning the towering but broken buildings into simply a smeared mass of purples, blues, and blacks. Two yellow moons shone above in the night sky as the clouds parted to reveal them. Irk, he realized. He was back on Irk, but… Spork was dead.

This was his last thought before he passed out.

=

Zim became aware that he was in great discomfort as he slowly began to come too. His arms were pulled sharply behind his back, forcing him to lean far enough forward that even the slightest attempt at walking would have sent him sprawling on his face. 

A thick metal chain was attached around his neck, leading up and into the ceiling. Two metal wires coiled under his armpits, supporting his weight as he was lifted off the ground just far enough that only the tips of his boots brushed the floor of the cell when he kicked them. Some kind of device was clamped onto his ID pack, but he couldn't turn his head far enough to see it.

Looking down, he realized he was wearing his usual uniform, but in a dark blue with lighter blue sleeves. What in the name of the slaughtering rat people? Blue was such an icky color! It contrasted with his eyes, not flattering at all. "Who dares touch the clothing of Zim?" he screamed, his voice echoing off the walls and out into the deadness of empty space.

"It's the standard uniform," a voice replied. He looked to his left to see Tak sitting on the floor of the cell beside him. One of her eyes looked like it had been blackened, and she was holding her arm at a strange angle. "I'm surprised they didn't catch you earlier for being a deviant."

"Deviant? Zim?" he asked. "Obviously, you know nothing of what you speak. When the tallests hear about this!"

"Oh, he'll hear it all right," a cold female voice smirked. Zim and Tak looked up to see a tall, scrawny, purple-eyed female with antennae down to her knees smiling at them. She was dressed in the blue uniform with what looked like part of a black trench coat with large shoulder armor. It cascaded down to her ankles, where it met with shiny black vinyl boots. Vinyl gloves missing the index and last finger ran up her arms and met with the short sleeves of the coat. She had a grin like a combination of ice and sheer cruelty. "You're both set for trial before almighty Spork tomorrow morning." 

She turned around, letting her cape-coat ruffle out behind her, and clicked off down the hallway, swishing the switch in her hand. Tak shuddered. "Spork's enforcer, Violet. Most pleasant Irken you'll ever meet, eh? If Spork decides that you're to be punished, she'll be the one administering it. She's head of his torture chambers, and from what I've heard, his bed chambers as well."

"What is going on here?" Zim shrieked. He felt like his mighty brain meats might explode and splatter all over the dark red walls. "Invaders don't wear this disgusting color, and Spork is dead!"

"We only wish he were dead. He's done terrible things to the Empire, our uniforms are the least of which." She looked up at him, the chains on her antennae clanking as she lifted her head. "My name's Tak. I'm sorry if I don't remember you. You said your name was Invaders?"

"No, no, no! Has everyone but Zim suddenly gone mad or developed rot of the mind?"

She looked away from him. "They said the insanity virus was spreading. I didn't believe it." 

"Insane? You dare call Zim, future master of the human stink-beasts, insane?"

Tak shook her head and simply looked away. They passed the time in silence punctuated only by occasional shouts and grunts from Zim as he thrashed in his chains.

"I'm probably going to die tomorrow," Tak suddenly interjected.

"Huh?" Zim asked, surprised by the noise.

"I'm a rebel against Spork's Empire. The minute he sees me, he'll have Violet slice off my head. If the rumors are true, he might even watch her drink my blood."

"Why would you rebel against an almighty tallest?" Zim asked, tilting his head to the side. He was horribly confused. One obeyed their tallest no matter what the consequences. Such was Irken life. You didn't simply decide you were going to go against them. They were as close to living Gods as one could get.

"You obviously aren't from around here. Look at what he did to the Empire! The great cities of Irk are in ruins as he and his 'chosen ones' cavort here on the Massive. He's made agreements with alien races allowing them to ravage Irk, sucking up the resources and enslaving the inhabitants at will!" A tear dripped from Tak's left eye. "I watched my best friend Tenn dragged away by her antennae, screaming and kicking the whole way. They left me behind because I had a broken leg at the time. They said I was worthless." She looked sharply at Zim. "I can't sit by and let such a monster rule, even if it costs me my life!"

A dropping noise broke the tension. Both Zim and Tak jerked as best they were able to, turning to the hallway. Beyond the bars, a short and bulky form flashed them a brilliant grin. "Get yourself into trouble again?" a familiar voice jeered.

"Skoodge!" Tak cried happily, reaching her arms out. He nodded, lifting a large cylinder out of his ID pack and holding it in the direction of the bars. 

"Get as far back as you can, this place is gonna BLOW!" Skoodge crowed, pushing down hard on the button labeled "flames away." Within mere seconds, the bars were melted down into puddles on the floor. Zim, unfortunately, was also looking a little bit crispy around the edges.

"Oops," Skoodge said as he blushed. He pulled a device from his back pocket and aimed it at them. Their chains vanished in a flash of blue light. Zim landed flat on his bum with a cry of dismay.

He looked up to see Tak running to Skoodge, throwing her arms around him and letting him spin her around. They paused, staring into one anothers eyes. Zim's jaw nearly hit the floor along with his butt. It couldn't be… could it? Well, nothing else was making sense, so why not Tak and Skoodge? Sure.

"Come on, we've got to hurry before the guards find out that the security system has been hacked."

"Too late," Violet shouted, throwing open the door. Her coat flailed behind her as she took a defensive position, launching an electronic net at the three.

Zim grasped a piece of molten metal off the ground and hurled it at the net. The net wrapped around it and fell to the ground. Tak reached over and grabbed Zim's arm right as Skoodge fired up his rocket pack, blasting the three into the rafters.

"After them!" Violet pointed, smacking and kicking her enforcers. "Yes ma'am!" they cried, pursuing the three across the pipes and ceiling beams. Noting that they were running perfectly in sync with one another, Violet slapped her forehead in frustration.

"How much further to your ship?" Tak panted to Skoodge.

Skoodge looked shyly at her. "Would you believe I forgot where I parked it?"

"What?" she cried.

"This way!" Zim shouted. "This laundry chute will take us to the docking bay. I can hot wire something when we get there."

"I thought you weren't from around here."

"Are you kidding? I know the Massive like the back of my hand."

Violet and her enforcers paused. "Wow. They slid down the chute straight into the metal working shop. They're either very smart or are very suicidal." She looked down and kicked her enforcers. "What are you standing there for? Get them! They're a threat to our tallest!" 

"But it's the metal shop…"

She reached down and grasped them by their heads, simply throwing them into the chute. Once they were gone, she leaned against the wall and let herself slide into a sitting position. She looked down at her gloved hands. "By the Gods of Irk… what have I been forced to become?" she asked into empty silence.

"This is not the docking bay!" Tak screamed, running on the conveyor belt for all she was worth. Behind them, the enforcers continued to attempt to fire at them, but it wasn't all that frequent because they were running for their lives as well. The huge furnace at the end of the belt flamed up every time another piece of scrap metal went into it.

"It's not my fault they've changed everything on my since I was last on the Massive!" he shrieked, breathlessly running. He'd tried to extend his spider legs, but they'd failed. Skoodge's rocket launchers wouldn't fire either. Nothing electrical seemed to work in the bowels of the metal shop.

Except the enforcer's lasers, or course, Zim thought as he jumped to avoid having his ankles fried off. "Anybody got a plan?" Skoodge asked.

"Give Zim a moment! His great brain meats will…"

"You're the one that got us into this" Tak cried.

They all fell to the ground when the conveyor belt suddenly stopped. The two pairs of moaning, twisting bodies lifted themselves slowly up, lifting their eyes to the control panel. Zim cried out; Tak and Skoodge grabbed one another.

His pale blue eyes stood out from his equally pale green face. His long blue robe ruffled down to his ankles, where black boots peeked out from beneath the robe. His straight antennae were slightly shorter than those of the average male Irken. His thin arms were crossed over his chest, making his body position match the anger in his eyes. 

Violet ran up the stairs behind him, her ample chest heaving as she fell to her knees before him, bowing. "I'm sorry, my tallest. I was in the process of apprehending them. I-"

She was cut short as he slapped her across the face with the back of his hand. "I don't pay you to be an idiot," he said darkly. In one smooth motion he hopped over the control balcony and landed heavily on the conveyor belt. He grinned at the two frightened rebels and the defiant Zim. "So, two rebels and an Irken struck with the insanity virus. Nice, nice," he commented. 

"You're a fraud!" Zim cried, pointing at Spork. His hands were clenched into tight fists. The sound of the material crackling could be heard. "I don't know who you are, but the real Spork is dead."

Spork looked sideways at him. "Oh, how I enjoy the rants of the insane. I know the perfect punishment for you… Violet!"

"Yes, my tallest," she said, standing back up. The side of her face had a red streak visible on it where he'd struck her. 

"Send this crazy one to Delphi."

"Zim will be sent no where!" Zim cried, leaping back. He wasn't able to complete his jump before one of Spork's legs lashed out, striking Zim on the side of the head. He fell back onto the belt, skidding across it and tearing open his uniform. A few drops of his blood splattered across the sandpapery brown surface. An eager grin spread across Spork's face as he studied the trail of blood. Zim tried to rise back up but found his aching limbs wouldn't cooperate. 

He turned his attentions back to Skoodge and Tak, who were being held by the enforcers. "As for you two little lovers… there are so many fates worth than death I could choose for you, it gives me Irk bumps to think about them!" He turned back to Zim. "You," he said, pointing to Zim and then to the two. "Choose which one dies."

"Huh?" Zim asked, sitting up and holding his bleeding arm with his other hand.

"You heard me right. Choose which one dies," he said, pointing to Tak and Skoodge. Both wore expressions of absolute horror on their faces. 

Zim shrugged. "Their lives and deaths mean nothing to Zim. Why should I care which one you kill?"

Spork laughed hard enough to nearly double himself over. "I like you!" he smiled through his joy tears, patting Zim on the head. "You have the right attitude, kid. If you weren't so insane, you'd have gone far in my empire. But the time is not for attitude, the time is for choosing."

"Well… I guess I really don't like Tak."

Her eyes widened as she gasped. "But I've never met you!" she cried as both enforcers put their lasers to her head. "What did I do to you?"

"But Skoodge is so fat and ugly…" The lasers moved. "I'd just kill them both," Zim shrugged. "Best to have both when you can't decide."

"I couldn't agree more," Spork answered. "Funny, though. If you'd nobly said that I should kill you instead of them, I would have let you all go. Now I'm not sure what to do. If I didn't like you so much, I'd just kill all three of you. Violet!"

"Yes, my tallest."

"It's your call. Kill them all or let them go?"

"I will execute them myself," she said, standing up as tall as her spine would allow.

"Very well," Spork nodded, jumping back up onto the platform with the aid of his hover-belt. "Take care." As he brushed past her, he grasped her antennae and whispered, "I'll be waiting for you." 

The enforcers aimed their lasers at the gathered three. A red dot appeared on each their heads as Violet pulled out her own laser. Her claws twitched for a moment as she handled it, almost as thought it were a dirty object. She was a torture master, not an executioner, she thought in disgust.

Zim looked at the enforcers, a crazy gleam forming in his eyes as a plan formed in his brain. "Say, I have the insanity virus, right?"

The enforcers looked at one another. "Yes?" they said, confused.

"I'm still contagious!" Zim cried. "ACHOO!"

The enforcers screamed, dropping their lasers and running. "Germs, germs!" they shouted, thrashing around like someone had dropped hot metal down their pants. Zim did a tuck and roll, grasping one of their lasers in each of his hands. When he unfolded, he had both lasers aimed at Violet. Two dark red dots appeared on her green head. A single red dot appeared on Zim's head.

She smirked. "We're at a stalemate I see. Unlike most anyone you're going to find around her, I value my honor. Go," she said. "Run for your lives and don't come back. Next time I see your faces around here again, I won't hesitate to kill you."

In Skoodge's ship, Skoodge and Tak glared at Zim. "I planned it all out! Really!" Zim cried. "Do you doubt Zim's incredible brain meats?"

"No," Tak replied shortly. 

"Then can you take these handcuffs off me?" he asked.

"Not until we get to Delphi."

"Delphi? Isn't that the crazy planet?"

"What better place to hide a rebellion? Our leaders are there. They await our surveillance reports on the condition of Irk."

Zim settled back. His head felt like it was going to explode, splattering blood and brain all over the walls of the tiny Spittle Runner. He rubbed his closed eyes as best he could with chained wrists. What the heck was going on?


	2. The Divinity of the Laser

The most noticeable thing about Delphi was the crowd. Zim ducked being hit in the head with a caped alien's flailing cape as he followed Tak and Skoodge through the commotion. The two had their arms linked and were leaning on one another, heads gently touching. A more disgusting display of public affection Zim could not bring to mind.

"If it bothers you, stop following us," Tak had retorted when he'd mentioned it, then she'd wrapped her arm around Skoodge's middle and sauntered off in step with him. Grudgingly, Zim had followed. It was better than being lost in a crowd of strangers in a world that had lost its mind, but not by much.

Zim paused for just a moment as they passed a gathered crowd of aliens surrounding another Irken. He was taller than Zim, with red eyes that time had dulled. His skin was an unhealthy, half-starved shade of faded green. His short black antennae hung limply by the sides of his head, as washed out as his faded black robe. The only thing about him that still seemed alive was the way in which he spoke, flailing his arms wildly about in the air as he lectured on the virtues of giving up sin to follow the way of the laser. 

"Crazy preachers," someone muttered, nearly stepping on Zim as they walked away in disgust. He let out an involuntary squeak, causing them to jump backwards in surprise before he skittered off after Tak and Skoodge. They really didn't seem to care if he followed them or not, making him more cautious for the rest of their trip through the winding slums.

Zim rubbed his arms. Even through the cheap blue uniform the fabric seemed too thin to protect him from the layers of dust and grease. Maggots crunched beneath his feet as he stepped through the alleyways, old laundry dripping water threateningly towards his oversized head.

Tak and Skoodge paused in front of a dirty, broken-down building labeled "Tain's Alchemy." Zim wrinkled the center of his face in disgust. Alchemy was an old science, long debunked by modern technology. Only those who were still trapped in the relics of the past followed its ideals. Tak lifted up a half-shredded blue curtain and gestured him inside.

A moderately sized Irken with multiple antennae piercings stood from a worn wooden stool to bow gently to them. His hands and face bore the proud wrinkles of age. His long fingers had become more claws than fingers over time. His uniform opened at the throat, exposing more of his tattooed chest than Zim cared to see. He turned his face away, studying the floor.

"Tak, Skoodge. Who is this stranger?" he asked. Standing up straight, the tips of his antennae brushed the ceiling of the hovel shop. 

"His name is Zim. We found him on the Massive. He seems a little…" Tak let her words drift off and made a gesture that Zim caught. Fortunately for her, he didn't understand it, but he had an idea that it generally meant crazy.

"Well, well, Zim. Little Invader Zim, no less."

Zim's crimson eyes brightened, filling with sparkles. Finally, someone recognized his greatness as an Invader. "Yes, yes I am," he said proudly. "You know of the greatness that is ZIM?"

"I know that Zim does not belong in this world," Tain answered. "You don't exist here."

"Don't exist?" Zim asked, incredulous. "I'm standing right here."

"There was an accident, was there not? A mistake?"

"Zim does not make mistakes," Zim snorted.

"No, but something green and fuzzy does. My visions were not clear enough to determine what it was."

"GIR!" Zim shouted, pounding a cracked table with his gloved fist. "When I get back, he's going to be in such deep trouble."

"Get back to your own universe? And how do you plan on doing that, my Invader?" Tain asked, rubbing his chin. 

"I… I just will. Zim's great brainmeats can solve any problem, no matter how big the obstacles against him may seem."

"You have to kill Spork."

Tak and Skoodge gasped in surprise. Zim had been too busy thinking about how great he was to catch the statement. "Eh?" he asked.

"You have to kill Spork."

"Kill… Spork…?" Tal asked, her voice trembling. "Kill the almighty tallest?"

"You did it in your own universe, is that not correct?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Zim snapped angrily back. "The other smeets let my pet out so they could watch me have to run after it. If they hadn't been teasing me, Spork never would have gotten eaten!"

"In this world, you didn't exist, so he didn't get eaten. That's why he's currently ruling over the Irken Empire, defiling it with his shameful presence. He ordered every Irken male within three feet of his height to be executed, and any female within a half-foot. It's only because of Violet that any managed to escape."

"Violet?" Zim squeaked. "I thought she was bad!"

"She puts on that illusion, and we can't risk letting on that we know the truth about her. We can't put her in danger since she's the most powerful inside operative we've got. We all know she'll kill us if she needs to in order to keep her secret, because any one life is not as important as the things she does."

"Huh?" Zim asked.

"She saves lives, Zim. She's smuggled hundreds of Irkens out of the death row torture chambers. The fact that the resistance to Spork still thrives is a tribute to her proficiency."

"And now that Zim has arrived, we have the means to bring about a victory for the revolution," Tain declared, standing up. "Zim, you must unite the twin tallests from your world in this world and kill Spork. He must die by your hand, Zim, or both worlds will be altered beyond repair. You'll never be able to get home."

Zim paused for a moment, then broke into gut-bursting laughter. "I can't believe you guys think I'm going to believe you," he choked, wiping away a tear of laughter from his right eye. "ZIM is not so easily fooled."

"Is that right, Zim? How do you explain the things you see, then? Spork is alive, your tallests are scattered somewhere in the universe, and no one even so much knows what an Invader is. How do you explain this? A dream? It's no dream, Zim. We can help you. We want Spork dead as much as you want to return to your own universe."

Zim paused in the doorway, pausing to look back. "Zim needs no help," he hissed, breezing out the door.

Tak moved to stop him, but Tain put out an arm. "What are you doing? We need him to stop Spork!" she argued.

Tain shook his head slowly. "He'll come back to us of his own accord once he realizes how little he belongs in this world."

Zim trudged through the swirling masses of bodies. He looked straight ahead, not deviating one bit from a straight line back to the docking bays. There had to be some mistake. A dream? No, it was too real to be a dream. He'd figure things out. He was Zim. He was amazing. If he really were in another universe, he'd get back to his own without any help from a pair as hideous as Tak and Skoodge.

A large, furred creature bumped into him, sending the tiny body of Zim falling backwards through the crowd. He flailed his arms, reaching out for anything. Long, spindly green fingers attached to scar-covered hands caught him, steadying him on his feet.

The tall red-eyed Irken in the priests' robe knelt down so that their faces were of near equal height. "Are you all right? You have to be careful in these crowds, small one," the priest said gently.

"I can take care of myself," Zim answered, looking away.

"My child, no one can take care of themselves. That is why we look to the divine laser for protection and answers," the priest answered, not at all put off by Zim's rudeness. He was more than used to it in his conversion trips. Aliens, it seemed, were no more open to being told the things they enjoyed were sending them to hell than humans were.

"Divine… laser?" Zim asked, looking up at the taller Irken and squinting. If… the robe were different… something in red with black accents… "Can I see your ID pak?" he asked.

The priest suddenly stood up and backed off, the flickering lights reflecting in his eyes making his eyes seem to twitch. "You're one of Sporks', aren't you?" he asked, his voice soft. 

"No." Zim answered. "Spork is no friend of Zim's. But you're… within three feet of Sporks' height?"

The priest Irken looked away from Zim. After what seemed like an eternity of frozen silence among the milling crowd, he answered so quietly that Zim had to read his lips. "Yes," he whispered.

"Your name…" Zim asked. "Is your name… Red?"

The Irken looked down at him, squinting one of his eyes. "Do I… do I know you?"

"You don't, but you did," Zim answered. 

Tain laughed. The tall Irken wasn't able to stand up to his full height inside the shop. He looked about nervously, muttering under his breath about pagan icons the whole while. Tain seemed oblivious to the priest's hateful mutterings.

"Do you believe us now, Zim?"

"I'm not sure I believe anything," Zim answered, taking a sip of the soda Tain had offered. At least soda in this world still tasted the same as his home universe.

"So, are you with us, Red?" Tain asked.

"I… kill Spork? I barely escaped the Empire with my life the first time. What makes you think it can be done? He has hundreds of guards. No," he said, shaking his head. "It can't be done. He will doom the Irken Empire, and I don't want any part of it!" Red stood up sharply, hitting his head on the ceiling and letting out a wail of unhappiness, rubbing the sore spot.

"We need your cooperation to save the Empire," Tak begged, jumping forward and grasping the worn hem of his robe. "Please, please help us."

"I… I don't know… I don't want to die."

"Are you afraid of finding out the heaven you preach of doesn't really exist?" Tain taunted, drawing glowering looks from Red. 

"I have absolute faith in the divine protection of the laser."

"You believe that it will always guide your path? Then, do you think it was accident that of all the Irkens you should happen to catch falling, it would be the one who would lead you too your destiny?"

"Arguing my own religion against me won't work," Red snapped back, his antennae standing straight back. His left hand was rolled into a twitching fist. "I'm leaving."

He got as far as pulling back the curtain before he paused, turning back around. "If I help you, if we really could succeed… I could save others from my fate?" he asked. "And I would be… the tallest? What I would say would go? I would rule an entire Empire, all its people? I could have anything I wanted?"

"Yes, you could. But if you were a just ruler, you'd know the difference between what you wanted and what was right for your people," Tain argued.

"I could save their souls?" he asked eagerly. Zim, Tak, and Skoodge all fell over in surprise at the blatant comment. "I would… I would have enough to eat? I'd be warm and safe?"

"You'd have all those things." Tain argued.

"All the snacks you could eat!" Skoodge threw in. Hell, he knew his priorities.

Red took another step down the stairs. "Everyone dies sometime. If we have faith, we have no reason to be afraid." He paused and took a deep breath. "I'll help you."

"Great!" Zim cried. "See? Zim is indeed amazing. He has found the first tallest already."

"Just because this was easy, don't assume finding the other tallest will be. We don't even know where to start looking. This was an accident," Tak cautioned.

"No accident. It is the will of the laser!" Red threw in. Everyone simply stared at him, wondering how much longer he could keep that up. It was getting old pretty fast. 

"All right, priest, does the laser tell you where to find Purple?"

"The laser works in mysterious ways," he answered sharply. 

"Where are some likely places the other tallest might have run to? What did he like?" Skoodge asked, turning to Zim.

Zim rubbed his chin. "Well, he certainly liked me. Wouldn't be surprised if I was his favorite Invader. They were always throwing parties for me. They even let me drive the Massive once!"

The others looked impressed. "He was always quieter than my tallest Red. He liked submarine sandwiches and soda. Smoke machines, he really liked smoke machines."

"Smoke machines?" snorted Red.

"Yeah, you two were always arguing about that in my world as well." Zim responded. 

"Smoke machines, silence, submarine sandwiches, and soda. That's not much to go on. Can you think of anything, anything else that would help us?" Tak asked, making a note on her electronic notepad. 

Zim thought for a good five minutes while the others simply watched him. "Well, supposedly he really, really liked…"

=

To Be Continued

Uncolored Image of Violet

http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=215036


	3. Looking for Purple, finding Violet

Begin Transmission.

Someone pointed out that Red, Zim, Tak, and Skoodge have no honest reason to believe anything Tain says… umm… I guess I'll just insert an author note saying that Tak and Skoodge respect Tain's words as truth, he's kinda weird-o psychic, Zim had the strange experience finding Red as a priest to make him believe the whole alternative universe thing. As for Red… we all know sidewalk priests don't need to make sense.

Wow, after putting that in there I realize exactly how much I look like a poopy author for including that note, but… I just wasn't in the mood to rework the earlier parts of the story.

Oh yes… for those who asked, Spork is a real IZ character. He was featured in a canceled episode. I've seen what someone claimed was "concept" art for the character, and he was wearing light blue. Hence his blue fetish.

Sorry to put so much Violet in here, but I'm getting attached to her. She's getting her own fic eventually!

End Transmission.

~

Tak coughed. "Do these places have to be so smoky?" she asked.

"What?" Skoodge shouted, even though he was right next to you.

"I asked if they have to be so smoky… and LOUD," Tak shouted back.

Zim picked at the sandwich laid out before him. It tasted funny, like the vegetables in it were either less than fresh or had been picked out of a bush out back of the club.

Up on stage, a rather drunken creature resembling a cross between an octopus and a cat was belting out some rendition of a song written in the Planet Jacker's native language. Zim caught only a few words here and there, but didn't really particularly care.

"A house of sin," Red muttered for the third time since their arrival only an hour earlier. 

"He liked karaoke, and the tabloids said he was often seen at this particular bar in disguise. This is our best chance of finding him," Zim shouted back to Tak and Skoodge.

The cat-things song ended prematurely when it fell off the stage and had to be dragged away by the security staff. Tak quit applauding the fall when she saw the next contestant climb up the stairs. "Zim," she hissed. "It's Violet! Is it possible… their names are almost the same… Do you guys think what I'm thinking?" Tak asked, looking back and forth to them.

"I'd say we're all thinking that," Tain answered.

"Thinking what?" Red asked. He'd been busy studying the insect he'd found crawling under his plate.

"Nevermind, Red. Tain, you stay here with Red. We're going to confront the lovely Miss Violet as soon as her song is over."

"What if one of Spork's enforcers is spying on her? You could be seen. Is it worth risking her cover?" Skoodge nervously pointed out.

"If she's the missing tallest, then all this will be over, Skoodge. We can end Spork's reign. Isn't that worth the risk?"

Skoodge paused, then nodded. "Just… be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you."

Tak nodded. "I will. I love you."

Zim made a vomiting noise. Tak glared at him. "Come on, Zim. We got a Violet to pick," She said, dragging him out of his chair and towards the stage.

Violet was flipping through the list of songs. She picked one, pressing down on the button with her ungloved finger. 

[Song: Shell, opening theme from Witch Hunter Robin]
    
    Hitomi wo fuseruto sugukieteshimaisoude
    Jibun ga mishiranu tanin ninattaki gasuru
    Kanashiihodo chippokena
    Sukuwaretaikara tameiki wo tsukuno janaku
    Kakidashite shimatta kodoku no kehai no kazu wo Tada kazoeteita
    Kawaita jikan no nakade
    Oboreterumogaiteru kokoro
    Memaiga surukurai no uso wo
    Uketomete hikisaita
    Soshite watashi ga
    mayoikomunowa
    Usuyami no sekai
    Shinjirubekimonono tamenitoeranda basho wa
    Jiyuu wo kagi nishita ori no nakadeshou Kesshite mou Nukedasenai
    Kawaita nodo no oku de
    Hajimatta hakanasa no wake wa
    Chikazuku ashita ga kowaikara
    Uzukumari kuzuretemo
    Watashi wo sagashite sasayakikakeru
    Usuyami no koe
    Kawaita jikan no nakade
    Oboreteru mogaiteru kokoro
    Memaig asurukurai no uso wo
    Uketomete hikisaita Soshite watashi ga
    Mayoikomunowa
    Usuyami no sekai

She finished the song to the sound of throbbing applause and whistling. She raised one of her arms up and punched the air victoriously. Taking the stairs off the stage three at time, she was on top of the world until she looked down to see Tak and Zim standing at the base of the stairs, looking up at her with serious expressions.

"Are you… are you going to sing?" she asked quietly. "What song are you going to do? A love song. I think that would be nice for the two of you. You compliment one…"

"Purple."

Violet shook her head. "No, Violet. You know me, Tak. Why are you here? You know that this is dangerous. I've got to go before someone sees me talking to you."

"Violet… tell us the truth. Is your name Purple?"

She shook her head again, her antennae bobbing vigorously. Zim stared at them, feeling drool rising in his mouth. A female's antennae were sensuous enough when short, Violet's antennae brushed the backs of her knees. 

Tak noticed and smacked him on the back of the head, causing him to take a face dive into the wood. Violet laughed involuntarily, putting a hand to her mouth in a futile attempt to hold in the giggles. After all, she had an image to maintain, and laughter wasn't part of it.

"Violet… you don't have to be afraid anymore if it is. We've come to help you."

"Did you catch the insanity virus, Tak? You're talking nonsense."

Tak's antennae drooped visibly. "She's telling the truth, Zim. She's not Purple. We're back to square one."

"Why are you searching for someone named Purple?" Violet asked, looking nervously about to see if she were being watched. Despite all her work, Spork still didn't trust her further than he could throw her. Frankly, she didn't blame him. Even if he didn't know it, she was perhaps his most prolific and closest held traitor. 

"His brother, his brother is looking for him," Tak quickly lied. It sounded good enough to her. "They're both so tall they have to hide from the Empire."

"That's sad," Violet said. "Perhaps I could look for him in the files. If I helped him escape, if he were executed, or if he escaped on his own, I'd be able to find that out. But you'll have to give me time, after the little "incident" with you three he's keeping me on a tighter leash than normal. I'll have to be extra careful when I look."

"Don't put your life in danger for," Tak nodded. 

"You mean more than I already do? I'll send what I can find to you via the consorted system."

"Thanks, Violet." She nodded. 

"Now that I've helped you two, I want you to do something for me in return."

Tak looked up, her eyes reflecting surprise. "What is that, Violet?"

=

"I can't believe she'd do this to us," Tak muttered, her face as red as the priests' name.

"Shut up and pick a song," Zim grumbled, a microphone clenched in his left fist. 

"All right, I'll just pick anything!" Tak hissed, slamming a random button.

Zim's antennae drooped. "Why, oh why, did it have to be 'Total Eclipse of the Heart?"

~

Tain was applauding when they dragged back to the table. Even if they couldn't hear it, they could see his hands moving.

"She's not Purple," Tak sighed. "But she said she'd help us look for him."

"How could you be sure she's not a he in disguise?" Tain asked. He knew only from Zim's memories that both tallests from Zim's world were males.

"I could smell female hormone on her. It's amazing Zim's antennae didn't start twitching." Tak looked over at Zim and grinned, baring her teeth. "Maybe Zim plays for the other team." 

"Huh?" Zim asked, not getting the reference.

"Nevermind," Tak shrugged, returning to her drink. She paused, sniffing cautiously at it.

"I watched it really carefully. It's safe," Tain assured her. "As safe as anything from a place like this can be, that is."

"I think we should go. There are no other Irkens here," Tak noted. "And even Violet seems to have left. Either that or I simply can't see her because she's rolling on the ground with laughter after seeing me and Zim attempting to sing and share a microphone at the same time." Needless for her to say, such a situation hadn't worked out in anyone's favor. 

"I agree with Tak, and I'm dead tired," Skoodge yawned.

"Early to bed and early to rise makes an Irken healthy, wealthy, and wise," Tain smiled. His aged face cracked with wrinkles when he grinned.

"Then let's go," Red said, sliding out of his chair and leading the way through the swirling crowds.

"Zim does not sleep on the floor!" Zim protested for the third time since arriving back at Tain's. Red was sprawled out on top of the service counter, the longest surface in Tain's office, and his legs still dangled off the edge. Tak and Skoodge were on top of a table that was supposed to be used for Tarot readings, a cheap blanket spread over their bodies as they snuggled. Tain had refused to give his cot to anyone under any circumstances.

"You can sleep in a chair or on the rug in front of the heater. Those are the only two choices, and it does get more than nippy in here at night."

Zim narrowed his eyes and stared at Tain. The older Irken simply stared back, amusement reflecting in his shining orbs. Zim crossed his arms; Tain repeated the gesture. Zim stood as tall as he could; Tain felt no need to since he already "outranked" the little Irken.

Zim continued to grumble most of the night about a proud Invader being forced to sleep on the floor, despite the fact that no one was listening. Skoodge was asleep with one of Tak's antennae in his mouth. Tak would occasionally twitch or roll in her sleep. Red had one arm thrown over his eyes, occasionally snorting but not fully snoring. 

Zim stared up at the ceiling, his arms crossed under his head. He wondered if GIR was all right. He wondered if Dib had noticed his absence yet. In a paranoid flash, he wondered if Dib were currently trying to break into his base. Or Tak, his world's Tak could come looking for revenge and he wouldn't be there to stop her! 

Zim sat straight up in bed, determination shining in his sorrowful red eyes. He was going to find Tallest Purple fast. After all, he was Zim, and once Zim set his mind to something, there was no deterring him. 

Meanwhile, on the farthest moon of Delphi, closer under their noses than they'd ever know, Purple ran through the darkness. He was alone, his breath coming out of his lungs in ragged gasps. 

"This way, boys," a thick male voice called.

Purple jumped, his fingers catching the edge of a fire escape. Up the spiraling wrought iron his ran, his boots clanking loudly against the metal. They were going to hear him running even if they couldn't see him, but he had no choice.

He jumped over the roof of the building to find himself staring straight into the barrel of a large, highly illegal laser. "The boss wishes to see you." 


	4. Tallest Goth?

[I'm really honored you guys like this, because I don't honestly think it's my best work. Oh well. I am loved!]

Tak, Skoodge, and Zim stood around Tain's table. Red, however, had distanced himself in one dusty corner, studying the cobwebs like they were the most interesting pieces of weavings he'd ever seen. Under his breath, he muttered about pagan rituals.

Tain ignored him, shuffling the thick deck of partially worn down yellow cards. "Now you, Zim, will be the Querant. Pick out the card that will represent you."

"Do you have a MASTER of doom card in there?" Zim asked, peering at the deck.

After a moment, Tain dryly extended a wrinkled hand holding a worn card. "I have strength."

"Zim approves!" he nodded, his antennae bobbing. Tain sighed and laid the card down, folding out the rest of the cards. 

"Hopefully, this will give us some clue where to look for the other tallest."

"That's another thing," Red noted loudly from the corner. "Why TWO tallests?"

"Because you two are the exact same height."

"But couldn't we just… kill Spork now, make me tallest, and find him later?" Red asked, continuing to stare straight ahead at the cracked brown walls.

"I'm afraid we need both of you there when Zim… eliminates… Spork, or else the transport back to his own world might not work."

"So, who cares if he gets back to his own world?" Red asked with a shrug, ignoring the stares that were then being directed at his arched back. Zim narrowed an eye suspiciously at the would-be tallest before turning back to the cards.

"The cards are telling me that we need to look closer to home rather than further away."

Tak frowned. "That could mean he's on Delphi, or one if its moons. He could even be in a nearby building, if it wants us to look closer rather than further."

Tain nodded, pulling out a withered map. "Tak and Skoodge, you two search to the North. Zim, you take Red and go to the South."

"Shall we continue to use the story that we're trying to reunite separated brothers?"

"Sounds decent to me. Just be careful to avoid any Irken enforces that might be on Delphi. The last thing we need is Spork getting word of our plans."

Back on the Massive, Violet's head dangled lifelessly to her side. Her arms were suspended over her head, tied in place with thick, black rubber ropes. Her legs, held apart at a highly awkward angle, were bound tightly with metal cuffs. She was flat on her back on top of the mattress of her bed, bound tightly to the bedposts.

Spork smiled, sliding a finger under her chin and bringing her burning eyes up to meet his cold grin. "My little birdies tell me you've been a very, very bad girl. Mixing with rebels! Tsk, tsk, my love. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Eat me," Violet replied weakly. 

Spork grinned. "I never mix business with pleasure." He slid easily across the floor, never touching it. His hover belt hummed out a quiet, dark little tune that seemed to match the aura floating about him as he moved. 

"So a stranger who is supposedly from another world is searching for the means to bring me down. Well, I'll just have to make sure he doesn't find it, will I?"

Violet turned her head away, shifting slightly. Her arms and legs were beginning to ache from being stretched out to near-impossible lengths for such a long period of time. She almost wished her limbs would simply rip out of their sockets and end the stretching pain.

"My spy has done well, bringing me this information. You may have been a very good traitor, Violet, but I assure you that my mole in their little group is much better than you'll ever be. After all, _they," _he emphasized, "haven't gotten caught yet."

"So why don't you just kill me now and be done with it?" Violet asked. "If I'm such a horrible Irken?"

"I'm not letting you live for you. I'm letting you live for my egg, which you have yet to lay. This time, you won't be able to poison yourself to bring on a miscarriage. I always suspected you were, but until now I had no proof. You really should be more careful whom you talk with at clubs, Violet. After all, you could end up suspended from someone's wall like a trophy." He glanced over at her and burst into harsh, ear-sawing laughter. "Oh, you already did."

"You are pretty clever. Tell me, which one of them was the mole? Was it Tak? The little insane shorty?"

"Oh, you'd like to know who betrayed you, hmm? Who put your life in my hands?" He grasped her antennae and kissed her face. "You'll know their face when your little rebel compatriots join you. I've reserved places on your walls for them," he said, gesturing to the manacles that she was horribly familiar with from her position as head torture master. 

Red ducked another low-hanging clothesline as he followed Zim, trying to avoid getting any wet substances dripped onto his head. Sometimes they were harmless, sometimes they were like water and sent burning shocks of agony from his frail body. "So, we're looking for someone who looks just like me?"

"I already told you that three times," Zim sighed. His stomach rumbled. He wished he'd condescended to eating that gruel Tain had mixed up, even if Invaders didn't put such vile things into their digestive tracks. "But with purple eyes."

"Light or dark purple?" Red asked.

"Well, kind of light, but also dark… more light than dark… medium purple?"

"Like a nice, light lavender?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Found him." Red said shortly.

Zim froze. "What?" he asked, whirling around on one heel. The uniform creaked with a rubber sound as he did. Vinyl was not attractive on the Irken form in any way, shape, or style. 

Red pointed up. An oversized poster loomed over them, featuring a relatively pale Irken with deep, reflective lavender eyes. He was dressed in a loose, black flowing outfit and seductively leaning on a pole covered in dried flowers. In front of him stood a short female Irken with bright, burning red eyes similarly dressed in black and clutching a microphone in her lace-gloved hands. Two other black-clad Irkens loomed in the background, apparently hooked together like Siamese twins. In dramatic, curved letters the poster declared "Ruby Eyes, Violent Tones: Irken Gothic."

"That… can't be…" Zim muttered. 

"It has to be… I heard they were filming their new music video on one of the moons of Delphi." Red commented. After a pause, he threw in, "Not that I read tabloids or even like that kind of music!"

Zim stared back in response, crooking a brilliant ruby eye at Red. "Right, my tallest," he commented dryly. "So, what now?"

"Now, we go tell the others. Then we figure out what to do about it." 

~

Zim stared at himself in the mirror. He was dressed in a black trenchcoat that would have been far more fitting on Dib, with a see-through mesh shirt underneath. The shirt alone made him feel he was naked despite the weight of the thick trenchcoat. He had fake piercings on his antennae. A dark black squiggle extended out of what seemed to be his left eye in the mirror and down under his chin. His usual black gloves had been replaced by a pair of tight-fitting vinyl gloves, and the buckle-up boots on his legs were so heavy he wondered how Tak could move in them, let alone be so agile.

Tak was finishing up powdering her face to the point where the green had turned nearly entirely white. When she sneezed from the flowery smell of the powder, a white storm cloud would blow about her face. Knotted red and purple ribbons hung from her antennae. Her outfit was a long black dress with puffed sleeves and a crimson corseted middle. The vinyl high heels alone threatened to cause her to trip and break her neck.

Skoodge was wearing a top hat and a black cape with a red lining. Underneath, he had a dapper black business suit. He'd drawn on a fake mustache. He grinned at them, tapping his fake-diamond tipped cane. Tain, meanwhile, had chosen the simple route and had draped only a black cloak over his usual outfit.

"Come on out, Red," Skoodge and Tain coaxed to the closed bathroom door.

"No! Goth is evil! Goth is sin!"

"Oh for the love of… you'll be able to spread the word of the laser once you're tallest, remember?"

There was a pause. "Yeaaaaaaaaaaah… but… I still look silly."

"You can't stay in the bathroom forever."

"Why not? All I need is food and I've got everything I need to survive in one place."

"Well, we're not going to give you food in the bathroom. So come on out."

There was a heavy sigh from behind the splintered door, then it slowly creaked open. Red, with streaks of his namesake color decorating his face and antennae, slowly crept out. He was wearing a black vest over a deep red crushed velvet dress that hugged his rather curved hips in a gentle manner, making him look more feminine than perhaps the priest would have desired. 

Tak snorted. "Dude looks like a lady," she whispered.

Red took one look at her before darting back into the bathroom. He probably would have stayed there and cried all night had Tain not stopped him from shutting the door and dragged him back out. 

"Now," Tain commented dryly. "To get into the nightclub." 

"I hear they're really, really selective."

"Well, let's hope at least one of us looks Goth enough to get in, let alone get close to Purple," Tak replied before sneezing from her makeup again. 

"To us!" Tain shouted. "To the mission."

Everyone else simply stared.

And now, this must "To Be Continued"… as I have finals. 


	5. Purple Darkness

[I didn't mean for Violet to resemble anyone else's characters… but I guess she kind of does. My apologies!]

"Achoo, achoo, achoo," Tak sneezed, wiping her mouth with the back of her gloves. 

Spork put an arm around her, patting her on the back. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Ith hathing an alerthic reaction to my matheup," she sniffled through the sneezes.

Spork wiped her face on the inside of his cape. "Guys, I don't think she can go into the club like this," Spork said, his worried eyes dancing with brilliant colors from the streetlights' reflections in them. 

Tain frowned, murmuring slightly. "I suppose you're right. I hate to say this, because we need her help, but take her home and clean that junk of her, before she breaks out into hives. The rest of us can call a cab home."

"I think its too late for that," Tak sighed, sneezing once again as Skoodge dragged her back towards the ship they had arrived in.

Zim let out a whine of anger as a tall creature covered in fur bumped him on the head on his way past, sending Zim's face into the black carpet. "Could it be any colder out here?" Tain muttered, rubbing his frozen arms. They were being made wait until it could be decided whether they were cool enough for the insides of the club.

"I've felt worse," Red the priest shrugged. His twitching, shivering arms gave him away as a terrible liar. Zim, finally getting his face unstuck from the carpet, hacked unhappily.

A thick, muscular, brown creature wearing sunglasses and a black alien-skin ankle-length trench coat wandered down the rows of hopeful would-be gothlings. He paused in front of Tain, Red, and Zim. He smiled a bit, lifting up his sunglasses. Suddenly feeling rather naked, Zim crossed his arms over his chest. Of all the shirts they could have picked for him, why MESH?

"You get in, and he get in," the creature said, pointing to Red. He moved on without saying a thing in Tain's direction. 

"How rude!" Tain cried angrily. "If we weren't on a mission, I'd put a curse on his head that would turn his fur snow white." He turned back to Zim and Red. "It's up to you two to find tallest Purple and convince him to help us."

"That's not going to be easy. I mean, he had money, fans, celebrity… what could we possibly offer him?"

"A greater future for IRK!" cried Tain. "Now get in there and find him!" He swung at Zim, causing the little Irken to squeak and dart backwards, sliding through the crowd and into the club.

"I think I'm going to go deaf!" Red protested unhappily. 

"Whatever you said, I think we should just find Purple!" Zim shouted back, hands over his antennae.

"I think we should find Purple!" Red shouted back, completely unable to hear anything Zim had said. Zim nodded in response and the two split up, Red heading to the left of the club, Zim heading to the right.

Red squealed in unhappiness and jumped about five feet in the air when a six-armed orange dragon grabbed his butt with all six hands. Rubbing his sore body part he continued to push through the crowd, heading towards and vague form he could see through the smoke that was tall enough to stand above the crowd.

As he neared the stage, a loud voice boomed, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I GIVE YOU… IRKEN GOTHIC!"

Black smoke billowed up from the stage, casting a haze over red spotlights. Red narrowed his eyes in lack of amusement. Smoke machines… how boring, he thought inwardly. When the smoke cleared, the forms from the advertisement stood on the stage. 

The ruby-eyed female raised her arm in the air, causing the crowd to grow instantly silent. Red wondered if they would drop on their knees and begin idol-worshipping the band. A microphone with fake bat wings glued on dropped from the ceiling into the Irken's hand.

"My fellow creatures of the night," she purred in a fake vampire accent. "Your steamy, blood-warm welcome reaches the bottoms of our darkest coffins, does it not, my sires?" she asked. The band nodded noncommittally. 

Oh brother, thought Red as he yawned. This was too much… simply too much. He couldn't believe how the crowd was lapping it up, like cats before milk. 

"As you know, my name is Tainted Tenn. As a special treat to our little batwings and nightlings, you all are going to get a preview of the rough cut of our new music video, shot on one of the dark moons of your blood-filled planet!" 

The crowd went nuts as "Tainted Tenn" drew a finger across her neck to signal the beginning of the video. Of course, Red couldn't have known that the Tenn on the stage was Tak's missing friend. Had Zim not been busy in the bathroom trying to figure out exactly how to wear his trench coat so as not to expose so much of his chest, he might have.

Red didn't think the video would interest him until the first shot displayed. In brilliant black and white, Purple stood silently in an alley. Red's eyes widened. That… that could have been HIM on screen. The lack of color in the shot made that more obvious. Without the difference in their eye colors, they were perfectly identical.

"Perhaps there is some truth in that crazy sinners words," Red muttered. If there was, then… maybe he really was an almighty tallest. He hadn't believed it up until that moment but seeing Purple, his twin, standing there before him had opened the priests' aged eyes.

Purple ran across the screen, clamoring up a metal catwalk. He swung over the edge, only to have lasers pushed into his face. The next shot showed him being taken in chains to a plush vampire club, where Tenn lay dressed in all her gothic glory, surrounded by pale but nearly naked men in chains. Her mouth was moving in horrible sync to the music. Red wondered if that was because it was a rough-cut, or if all the bands' videos were really that horrible.

He watched Tenn and Purple pretend to cavort with one another in slow motion as she "drank" his blood from his neck. The two Siamese twin Irkens threw black and red paint all over the walls in the background. Red stared. All he could think of it was that he'd seen modern art that made more sense.

Realizing the crowd was caught up in the video, Red swallowed his fear down in his throat, and rushed forward. Caught off-guard he easily body-slammed two security guards to leap on stage. "What's going on here?" Tenn screamed, her vampire accent suddenly gone. "Somebody stop him!"

The "twins" rushed Red. His military training was rusty, but not gone. He easily managed to use the fact that their clothes were joined together to dodge them, knocking their unbalanced form to the ground with a single agile twist and kick of his slender body.

He landed right before Purple, who had most of his hand shoved into his mouth. The poor, terrified Irken's eyes were wide. Who could blame him? He was a fugitive from Spork living in the spotlight. 

"I've come to take you away from this, Purple. To your future with me."

Red expected a fight from the slender, shaking Irken. He got a shock instead. Purple looked up into his eyes. "I'll do whatever you want, just get me away from those nutty fans…. I'm so sick of all this makeup, and I'd love to be called by my real name, not… Darkness…"

"You poor thing…" Red reached out and grasped Purple's hand, intending to make a run with him.

A spark ran between the two of them, causing both to gasp in unison. "Did you see…?" Purple asked, his voice trembling.

"A vision from God. It was us… as almighty tallest… tallests…."

"Spork would kill us before that could ever happen," Purple said, looking away.

Red grasped his face and turned it back. "Look at me. We could be twins. Are you just going to ignore your destiny?"

Purple hesitated, unable to answer. "Look out!" he cried, pulling Red to the ground as bullets shot over their heads.

"Aren't they supposed to be protecting you, not trying to kill you?" Red screamed over the shouts of the terrified patrons abandoning ship. 

Purple lifted his head, his eyes wide. "Those aren't my guards." In fact, Purple's bodyguards were running for their own lives as blue-glad enforcers flooded into the club, flame-throwers in hand.

Zim finally emerged from the bathroom to find the club in flames, the patrons screaming and diving out of black-curtained windows. The Irken paused in shock before doing the first thing that came into his mind. "I didn't start the fire! I swear!" Zim shouted to no one in particular. 

Meanwhile, Red and Purple were trapped on stage, pressed pack to pack, surrounded by laser armed guards. "I guess this is it," Purple said sadly.

"Yeah, and I didn't even get to show you my laser collection," Red sniffed. Purple responded by rolling his bright eyes, but Red couldn't see that.

"So… double team?" 

Red paused. "If you insist."

The guards let out a cry of surprise when the stage suddenly filled up with black smoke, temporarily blinding them. When the smoke let up, all four of Red's legs were extended, a laser gripped by each one. There were two large lasers in either of his real hands as well.

Now, one would not expect a single laser armed Irken to be able to take out sixteen laser armed Irkens, but this is Red we're talking about. Somehow, he managed to do it.

The other guards looked frantically around for Purple, who had jumped over their heads in the commotion. By the time they turned around, Purple had a chair in hands. With a quick, fluid motion of his long arms he slammed their chair across two guard's faces and into a third one's gut, sending them sprawling to the ground.

Meanwhile, Zim was wandering around, completely unbothered by the smoke. He was short enough that he didn't have to crawl to get to the cool air underneath the hot clouds of black. That wasn't to say it was clean air, however, as it was the air of a gothic nightclub. 

"Red! Red!" he called, coughing a bit from the harsh smell of burning leather. "Red, where are you?"

"Zim? Zim?" 

"Tain? Tain, I lost track of Red and Purple!"

"Hurry up and get outside, the ceiling is about to collapse!"

"But the tallests…"

"There's nothing we can do for them now, Zim! Just get outside before you end up an Irken potato chip!" He grasped Zim by the wrist and dragged him out of a hole in the side of the club just in time. The ceiling collapsed inward, reducing the club to a rectangle of burning rubble.

Zim stared at the flames. Now he'd never get back. He'd never get a chance to take over the Earth. He'd never be revered as the greatest Invader ever. He'd… he'd have to wear that horrible blue uniform! At the very thought, Zim collapsed to his knees.

Tain patted his back. "I know, I know… it's like watching the fate of the Empire go up in those flames…"

"ZIM! ZIM!" Red's voice called. He was rushing towards them. His antennae were smoldering, his clothes were a ragged mess, and his face was covered in soot, but he was alive. Purple was running after him, limping slightly on a twisted ankle. 

"Red! Purple!" Zim cried, rushing towards them. It was so good to see them both alive that had he been a less hardened Irken, he might have burst into happy sobs. He threw his arms around their legs, since that was all he could reach. "You're alive!"

"Just barely!" Red cried. "I had to save Purple's butt."

"My butt?" Purple cried. "Who saved you from those bullets?"

"Who pulled you away from the falling piece of burning ceiling?"

"Who confused the guards so we could get away?"

"Whose fancy laser action stopped the guards from shooting us in the back as we fled?"

Zim sighed. "Sounds like my tallests, all right."

Tain raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry to hear that, Zim," he said softly, then rammed a stun gun into the back of Zim's neck. With a shriek he fell forward, landing in the dust. Red and Purple cried out in surprise and leaped backwards.

"Care for a Tarot reading, my tallest?" Tain asked, throwing a card at him. The card struck Red in the chest, sending a jolt of electricity through his body. Red shrieked and twisted in agony, falling to his hands and knees. Purple dived down to assist his almost twin. Tain kicked him in the side of the head, knocking him sideways into the dirt.

"Round them up, boys," Tain laughed, hands on his hips. Zim, so weakened by the stun blast he could hardly move, twisted his head up to stare at Tain.

"Why?" he asked.

"You'll find that out… on the Massive."

That was the last thing Zim heard before he fell unconscious. 


	6. The End of Something

Zim began to come to only to find himself suspended as he had been in the dungeon, only now he wasn't in a dank prison. He was in a posh bedroom, complete with a soft-looking carpet and a blue-lined canopy bed.

The unconscious forms of Red and Purple hung from the walls. As far as Zim could tell, they were both still alive. "Red! Red! Purple! Purple!" Zim cried. Logically he should have been quieter, but since when was Zim logical or quiet? Neither tallest responded to his cries.

"Zim?" a soft voice asked. He looked over towards the source of the sound. He hadn't noticed her before, but Violet was there, her arms still in chains. She wiggled a bit, trying to get a better look at him. "I'm so glad to find out that you're not the traitor!"

"No," Zim said, angrily studying the carpeted ground. "Tain was. Why are we still alive?"

"Zim… there's something you have to know about me… I was once male. I was the last of the tall Irkens captured by Spork's forces. When he realized that he'd left himself with no suitable mate, he had me released and changed into… into this!" she cried, her eyes wet with tears. 

"That's why I decided to fight against him. That's why I helped all those other Irkens escape. I couldn't bear the thought of them meeting my fate."

"You were… a man?" Zim asked, his eyes wide and blank. He'd been getting turned on by the long antennae of a former male?

Violet sighed. She tended to get that response when she told other males of her past history. She jerked her head towards the unconscious pair on the wall. "I wouldn't put it past Spork to have the same thing planned for those two… if not other horrible experiments. But… he'll do anything to breed tall children, and he's left himself with no suitable mates…"

Zim shuddered. Being turned into a FEMALE? That was… that was a fate worse than death! "Well then, we'll just have to use my amazing brain meats to escape!" Zim cried, thrashing against the chains.

"The worst part is," Spork laughed as he suddenly swept into the room. "Those chains don't even use locks! You simply can't move your body enough to get free of them… and I don't think these will be helping you," Spork smiled as he held up the remains of Zim's severed mechanical legs.

"Tain!" Zim cried angrily, staring down the other Irken.

"Tain?" Spork laughed. "Oh my precious, precious Zim. Your Tain didn't betray you… willingly. After we scooped the brain meats out of his corpse and prodded them with wires, however, we found out what your little group was up to. And fate of another universe or not, Zim, I don't think I WANT to be eaten by an energy creature."

"Liar!" Zim cried. "If that's not Tain, who is it?"

"Zim… meet… Zim," Spork said, bowing. The chest of the robot Tain opened with a hiss, revealing a short Irken in a blue uniform with burning red eyes. Eyes that Zim knew all too well from admiring himself in his full size mirror every morning… his own ruby eyes. 

"I thought I didn't exist in this universe," Zim said, the only thing that came to his confused mind.

"That was a brilliant part of my amazing plan, wasn't it?" the other Zim asked, grinning broadly. 

"I want to thank you for finding the only two Irkens in the Empire who could challenge my rule," Spork purred, running a finger under the unconscious Purple's chin. "They'll make wonderful… test subjects," he laughed, looking in Violet's direction. She looked away from him. 

"Aw, so cold, my pretty, pretty Violet. Even if being tallest didn't make me rich, I'd still keep the job. Your tears are all the pay I'd ever need." Spork laughed, and the other Zim laughed as well.

"But I've always been a gambling man, Zim my boy," Spork said when he'd finished laughing. "So I propose a match! Zim against Zim! You win; I let your little almighty friends go. My Zim wins, which is going to happen… and I get to remove your organs one-at-a-time. Since you have no other choice, I'll consider it a deal. The match is being prepared for you now."

With that, Spork and Zim swept from the room, slamming the door behind them. Violet sighed. "He's going to skew the odds in the other Zim's favor. Your only chance of beating him is knowing yourself."

"Knowing myself?"

"You know all your own weaknesses. You just have to know them better than your other self does."

"FOOL!" Zim cried. "ZIM has no weaknesses!" 

Violet looked over at the tallests hung from the wall. "I hope you two like dresses…" she muttered.

~

The battle arena was laid out. Zim looked down in confusion at the yellow sand. "Somebody's seen too many gladiator movies," Zim muttered as he shook the fine powder off his boot.

"The battle is hand to hand combat," the announcer Irken cried loudly, his voice echoing off the metal walls. The crowd cheered happily in response, waving their fists in the air. "Our contestants are Spork's champion, Murderer Zim, versus the alternate universe's challenger…" he paused to snicker, "_invader_ Zim." 

The audience burst into hysterical laughter. "Murderer Zim rocks!" a fat Irken shouted, waving his flag. 

"Our first battle is acid-spewing gun shooting. Should both contestants make it to the buzzer, our second battle will be pursuit and shoot. The third planned event is slaughtering rat creature riding, while attacking one another with sharpened blades! Yeah! And should both contestants make it to the final round, they will face our obstacle course of doom! And to sweeten the course, Spork has thrown in an additional perk."

Red and Purple were dropped from the ceiling, their arms bound above their heads. By that time, Red and Purple were awake and horribly confused. They were confused enough to make them temporarily ignore the pain in their arms from being hung like that. "The contestant that gets to the door out of the obstacle course first must shoot one of those two to open the door!"

Eager for blood, the crowd cheered again. Zim wondered if that was the only form of torture Spork knew, or if he was simply very fond of it. Zim looked down at the acid spewing gun. It was essentially a water gun. Surprised, Zim lifted it in his fingers. His eyes widened. "Contestants may use any form of anti-acid protection they wish," the announcer had said. Zim's pack popped open and he removed a bottle of paste.

The other Zim laughed when Zim emerged. "No armor?" he asked. "I suppose that's kind of smart. You want to die fast, huh? I can't blame you!" Zim cried, leaping at Zim.

Zim dived sideways, being more agile due to the fact that the other Zim was wearing heavy armor. A slash of water slid across his arm in a line, but failed to penetrate the paste. The other Zim stared in horror. "You… you're immune to the acid?" he asked, his voice trembling.

"Of course I am. After all, I am ZIM!" Zim replied, giving the other Zim a face full of water. The other Zim screamed and dropped to the ground, thrashing about. 

"It's dripping down the inside of my armor!" he cried, thrashing around. "It burns! It burns!"

Zim had just readied a second shot when the buzzer went off. "What?" Zim cried. "That wasn't even thirty seconds!"

"Next event!" the announcer shouted loudly over the booing of the audience. Violet had been right; Spork intended to do whatever necessary to ensure that his own Zim won.

"Our next event is pursuit and shoot. Both contestants will be armed with lasers. By random coin flip, one will be the hunted and one will be the pursuer. At the sound of a bell, the roles will switch. Only the purser may shoot."

Zim, of course, "happened" to end up the hunter first. He dived sideways as another laser blast clipped his ankles. It felt like it had been ten minutes already. "They'll never ring the bell for me," he muttered angrily. The bell hung bright and temptingly, like an orange, at the top of the arena. 

Then, just as he'd given up hope, the bell rang. Surprised, the other Zim stared for a moment before squealing and taking off running, Zim hot on his heels. Above, the announcer could be heard swearing.

Spork grabbed the microphone. "Why the HELL did you ring the bell? Our side was winning!"

"I didn't!" cried the announcer, his hands flying in confusion over the controls.

Up above, in the rafters, Tak gave Skoodge a high five. The monitor of the laptop they'd used to hack the system glowed brightly between them as they shared a quick kiss. "For some reason, I feel like I never thought I'd be saying this, but… go Zim!" Tak cheered in a whisper.

The second match ended up coming to an end as quickly as the first one the non-favored Zim gained the upper hand. "Our third and final match before the obstacle course… weapon throwing and slaughtering rat creature riding!" his voice was nervous. Zim could almost feel the sweat dripping down the announcer's face. Since the bell had apparently rung at the wrong time, his life was on the line.

Zim's rat creature bucked beneath his legs. "I'm sure they gave me the more violent one. Zim likes them that way!" Zim cried, raising his weapon high in the air.

The gates swung open and the two rat creatures charged one another. Both giving out Irken war cries, Zim and Zim clasped onto their respective creatures and extended their blades towards one another as they charged.

Zim narrowly avoided getting his antennae sliced off by the other Zim. While neither of them had any sort of control over their rat creatures, the other Zim's creature seemed to be a bit less willing to eat its rider.

Zim clutched the rat tighter. How could he possibly get the other Zim when he couldn't even stay on the pig? Pig… wait, he wasn't on a pig, he was on a… well, it was kind of like riding the pig… Zim sat up straighter, releasing his hold on the creature's collar and grasping its ears instead. Yes, this was exactly like riding the pig.

"Look at that," the announcer whispered without realizing the microphone was on. The challenger can really ride that rat!"

The other Zim fell into the dust, his shoulder bleeding from a light scratch inflicted by Zim. "Murderer Zim has toppled from his rat! That means he loses the round!" the announcer cried, weeping in the process. At that point, the crowd was simply going nuts. The hundreds who had bet on Murderer Zim were livid. The few who had bet on Invader Zim… were crying with happiness. Among them was a small service drone named Bob.

"And now it's time for the final round, the obstacle course. All bets are off, folks. No one knows whose going to win this one!" Up the backward escalator the two Irkens ran. Across the log roll the two Irkens raced. Up the net the two climbed, neck in neck. They were both Zim, so there was absolutely no difference in their style, so they were performing so identically the same it looked to the crowd like they were moving in sync.

I have to do something, Zim realized in his mind. A tie is never good enough for ZIM! Victory will be mine… but how? The fact that he knew the other Zim was probably thinking the exact same thoughts at the exact same moment didn't help as they used ropes to swing across a gap.

Up in the stands, Spork frowned. He'd been gripping his drink so tightly that the glass bottle had shattered. Blood from the cuts dripped down his hand and onto his blue robe. "You might actually lose," Violet said softly. "And you always keep your bets, right, my tallest?"

Spork's hands clenched and unclenched. He had only one sliver of morality in his entire body… and that was that he never coped out of a bet. "So? One of the miracle twins will still die… wait, what am I saying? My Zim will WIN! There can be no other ending to this!"

"You're pretty good," Murderer Zim complimented as they raced one another on bicycles. 

"You too. I find myself a more worthy enemy than most."

"How did you ever get such skill? I had Murderer training. You… you only had Invader training."

"True, but you never had to battle… a DIB!" Zim cried, swinging the front wheel of his bike in front of the other Zim's bike. The other Zim cried out in surprise, toppling over and crashing loudly. Zim looked over his shoulder to watch the other Zim roll down the track.

"Ha! Victory for Zim!" Zim cried. However, he was so busy shouting that he didn't watch where he was going. He collided with a large pole and fell from his own bicycle. 

The other Zim limped past, his bike too badly damaged to use. Zim rose to his feet, limping after the other Zim. His bike was broken beyond use as well. The two Zims limp-raced. The doorway and the hanging tallests were just ahead. The other Zim tripped right as they neared the line, giving Zim just the tiniest burst of speed needed to get to the lasers first.

Zim reached out and grasped his laser. Time to make a choice… a choice… he shut his eyes and fired randomly. When he opened them again, the laser hadn't gone off. It was a dud.

"You cheater!" Violet cried in the audience.

"I don't smudge on bets, but I may cheat on bets," Spork laughed.

"Game's over, Invader," the Murderer laughed. "I never liked the color Purple!" he cried, shooting.

Red threw himself sideways, bashing into Purple. Purple cried out in pain as he swung sideways. However, the throwing motion sent Purple's silver bat-pendant into motion. 

Murderer Zim's eyes opened wide in shock as he realized what was going to happen. The laser hit the pendant, reflecting off it as Purple swung back into space, smacking into Red and sending Red flying. You can guess what happened when Red came back on the downswing. This continued for rather a long time, leaving both tallests rather bruised on their sides.

What is of more importance than two comical tallests was where the laser blast from Murderer Zim's shot had gone. Spork could say nothing, merely whimper as his hands went to his forehead. A neat hole had been cleanly burned from front to back, removing a good portion of his brain. A small trickle of blood escaped from the hole.

"Violet…" he whispered, then fell to the ground. His guards rushed to his side.

"You won't be able to save him," Violet said, looking out at the crowd. They sat in stunned silence.

"He… he… he killed tallest Spork!" the announcer cried, causing a wail of unified mourning to go up from the audience. Murderer Zim, down below, dropped his gun with a cry of anguish and rushed from the arena into the darkness beyond.

Tak stared at the commotion in Spork's booth. "How about that… Zim did kill the almighty tallest…" she looked over at Skoodge. "We simply had the wrong Zim." 

~

Zim stood before the vortex that would return him home. Violet smiled weakly at him. "Are you sure we can't convince you to stay?"

"Yes, we'd make you a general, head of many Irken armies!" Red cried.

"Your offers are nothing less than what ZIM deserves," Zim said, waving them off with one hand. "But I must return to my duties of conquering Earth. My tallests will be expecting me, and I still have a few… scores… to settle," he said, looking away from Tak. How do you explain to someone that you have a 50 year long grudge with them when they think they've never met you before a few days prior?

"Your tallests are so lucky to have you! They must be thrilled," Purple sighed, holding the pendant in one hand. Despite having changed into their new tallest robes, Purple had sworn that he'd never remove the life-saving pendant.

"They are, they are."

"I hope they appreciate what they've got," Violet threw in.

"Oh, they love me! They think I'm the greatest Irken ever! That's why they gave me such a special mission."

"I'd imagine," Red smiled. "Well, you'd better hurry. That vortex isn't going to last forever."

Zim had one foot in when a loud, angry voice shouted, "This isn't over, Zim!" he barely had time to turn around before a heavy force collided with him, knocking him into the whirling beam of light.

~

Slowly, Zim opened his eyes. GIR, in two pieces, lay to the left. Dib was shaking the smoke out of his hair. "What?" Zim asked, looking around the ruins of his lab. It had all been a dream brought on by an explosion caused by… Dib?

"You stinking human!" Zim cried, leaping at Dib. Dib managed to dive sideways, grabbing onto the end of his retractable grappling rope. 

"See you on the autopsy table, Zim!" Dib laughed as he retracted the rope to ground floor and dashed for it out the front door, deftly avoiding the gnome field.

Zim stared at the wreckage. He was back in his red uniform. It had to have been all a terrible nightmare.

He found himself amazingly not upset about Dib once again foiling his plans. After all, he'd gotten an odd dream out of the mess. Slowly crawling to his wounded knees, he began to repair GIR.

~

Tak had seen an odd energy wave signal on her monitor and had gone to investigate it. In a field of corn she found Zim lying on his side, apparently unconscious. She raised her laser to his head, then lowered it. What good would her revenge be if she killed Zim while he was helpless and unconscious?

She turned to leave. Within moments, Zim was on his feet, his legs wrapped around her body and lifting her off the ground. She tried to scream but he clamped a hand over her mouth. With one quick movement, he knocked her unconscious. She fell to the damp, smelly Earth with a moan.

Murderer Zim looked up at Tak's parked ship. "Spork," he whispered, staring at the star-studded night sky with tears in his oversized ruby eyes. "I'll get your revenge. I'll get your revenge if I have to tear this universe apart piece by piece!"

To Be Continued…

Come on; admit it, you all thought it was over. 


End file.
